Pursuing Goodness (part 1)

Why did God make the sun to shine,
If it doesn’t shine
All of the time?

Why did God make the men who sin,
If in sinning
They turn away from Him?

My first thoughts of God appeared to be deep and transcendental. Writing this poem in elementary school expressed just some of the many questions I had about life, God and religion. I grew up in a Catholic family, the oldest girl of eleven, with one older brother. There were eight boys and three girls. My mom was a nurse and my dad an electrical engineer. We were taught that the Catholic religion was the one true religion and that family mattered.

Another question that bothered me was about the reality of hell. I had my first experience with death at the age of eight when my uncle, my grandmother and my young cousin all died within a month of each other. My mom must have handled communicating this to us very well, since I have no memory of a fear of death. I remember going to say our last goodbyes to an open coffin. I still recall vividly Uncle Willie, with his bright, thick, white hair and florid complexion, looking so peaceful and content in death, as in life. That was no surprise to me since I was told repeatedly that he was a good man and therefore would find his place in Heaven.

After that month of an outpouring of familial love, I began questioning the logic of Hell. If God truly is a God of love, I asked, how can He possibly condemn any of His children to Hell for eternity? Even the worst person on Earth can find one person who will love and forgive him—most likely his mother. If, in all our frailty and selfishness, we humans can find it in our hearts to do that, how can a God of infinite love deign to condemn someone forever? I could understand punishment, but not eternal damnation. Slowly I was working my way beyond the thresholds of Catholicism.

Then there was the question of Jesus. Following years of grammar school questions, when I entered high school and continued to question, not my faith—surely there was a God with whom I had a very close relationship—but the details, that were to be believed unquestioning—my mother resorted to asking her sister, who was a nun, over to the house on a regular basis. “If God is God, and Jesus is God, why do we need Jesus?” My aunt’s answer to that was a short: “Don’t worry about it. As long as you believe in God, that’s ok.” At that point I decided to find my own answers, taking courses in Hebrew, learning the ancient philosophers, and studying early Christian history.

Outside of school I would stop and talk to anyone who stopped me. Since I was in New York City, and it was the ’70s, there were innumerable groups vying for my attention—from the Hare Krishnas, the Seventh Day Adventists, the Mormons, Scientologists, to the Moonies. I visited Baptist churches, Jewish synagogues and Hindu temples. I worshiped with Buddhist, Christian and Shinto. I read Siddhartha and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, along with the Bible and the Dead Sea Scrolls. I threw the I Ching faithfully, but I never did get into the reading of Tarot cards.

In the end (or perhaps it was the beginning of the beginning), when it came to following a Path, I did what I always did—I asked. I asked God. I threw it out there to the Universe in all its vast wisdom of the ages—and, for the first time in my life, I got no answer. I had always gotten very clear answers before. Do this; don’t do that; listen closely; lighten up; always the guidance was substantial and resonated deeply within my being. This time I pleaded, I demanded, I cursed, I ranted, I threatened, I begged, and the answer I received was always the same. “Anne, it’s up to you. It’s your choice.”

I didn’t want it. I didn’t want the freedom—or the responsibility—to decide what was right or good for me. I wanted to be told; I wanted to obey; I wanted to follow. God never let me off the hook. That was when I started piecing together what the meaning of true freedom was. There is no freedom without my deciding and then taking action. Sitting on the fence made me a prisoner of the circumstances. Following someone else’s beliefs was no better. Even just pronouncing my own belief in something without acting upon it daily was not freedom, but a life dictated by the precepts of others. I must recognize the truth in my own heart, what was right for me, at this time, in this place. Then, putting my whole heart into it, I could say that I was leading a good life.

Wisdom as a Way of Life

The next paper I had to write for my PhD was about what “Wisdom as a Way of Life” means to me. What I first came up with was that wisdom would be the knowledge and insight that my experience and intuition has taught me as I delve beneath the surface of life. Explaining this in terms of the ideals and beliefs that I have and then relating the thoughts and feelings that I experience as I try to live my life as a reflection of these ideals, was my first goal.

The discoveries that I make in living a wisdom way of life are grounded in a belief system, but are substantiated through practice. Therefore, I whole-heartedly agree with philosophers when they say that wisdom is a pursuit rather than a possession. I also agree with Emerson who writes “all my best ideas were stolen by the ancients.” As a result, I wanted to rely on the expression of my heart, rather than the creation of an essay of ideas for my paper.

But I started with an overview of what I believe: At some point in our development human beings lost an intimate connection with the Beloved along with the habit of seeing the pattern of the whole. Thus, we look for knowledge, for principles, both scientific and spiritual (or religious), to explain our purpose and our longing for Oneness. However, unless we rediscover the wisdom that comes with relating to the Beloved, unless we come to reflect the harmony and goodness that is the Source and pattern of creation, we will not be able to achieve our own potential.

When we go back to our roots, to our connection with the Source, we discover the true wisdom of our own creation and belonging. This wisdom is reflected in the principles from which the very universe was created. One such principle is what Brian Swimme calls “allurement”—the simple attraction of one for another with the purpose of creating something more diversified and whole. The essence of allurement—which began with the out-breathing of the Big Bang, and the in-breathing of gravity—wraps us in an ever-expanding spiral of relational giving and receiving. This is the moment when we are touched and embraced by the very universe itself—a moment of grace, Thomas Berry calls it—one we can recapture every day. That is our responsibility.

I believe the most fundamental characteristic of this world is allurement, or in our case, love. Love is unselfish, always thinks of the larger picture, and is always living for the sake of others. This is the nature we were created with, and developing this kind of character is something that we have yet to attain. To relearn this original ideal and heart of love we must develop it within the experience of a truly loving family. We not only lost our connection with the Beloved and with nature, we also lost love—our ability to love as parents, as children, as brothers and sisters, as husband and wife.

Actually, contemplating the idea of wisdom further, I began to entertain the notion that wisdom is not knowledge at all. In my perception, knowledge is based on the understanding of the principles and laws that manage and maintain the physical or substantial world, and the spiritual or insubstantial, perhaps other-dimensional, world. Our experience of these worlds (and this is not implying that there are two distinct worlds, but rather two aspects of the same world) helps us express these principles in scientific and spiritual terms.

Practicing, or putting into action what we have experienced, helps us live in harmony within the structure and pattern that makes up the whole. Remembering is the groundwork or foundation for our experiences that connects us with our roots, with our inheritance, and gives us a sense of place within the schema of the cosmos.

However, wisdom is beyond knowledge or experience or remembering. I believe wisdom is embraced during that moment of awe that comes with the openness to receive the wonder and greatness of the universe. The heart of wisdom is the realization of I Am as I open to receive the love emanating from the Heart of the Beloved, believing that I Am, in all my individuality, also in Oneness with the Source. Living beyond the boundaries of control or understanding, a wisdom way of life exists within the flow of creativity that is the source of love, life and lineage.

This is wisdom, as I know it. The only thing I can be sure of is that I know nothing from myself, but I can, at moments, be open to the whole, for I have the stuff of stars in my lungs, and the lava of love in my veins, and I have surely felt the Beloved’s kiss in the early morning mist and in the wonder of my daughter’s love.

Families

Hello all! I haven't written in awhile because I've spent the month of June and part of July helping my Mom move. As soon as I returned home I had to jump full swing into planning and executing our only daughter's wedding. It's taking place next week, but I found I needed to settle back and write a bit in order to fill my lungs to prepare myself for the last leg of her journey to independence and a family of her own.

I did have a few minutes to jot down some notes at the airport on July 9, and since my thoughts turned to family at that time as they are doing now, I will reproduce them here for your enjoyment or edification--or both!

As I waited at the airport in Milwaukee, a family of five walked past me. I noted that the Dad appeared tired and was somewhat sloppily dressed in comparison with the Mom who was wearing stylish pedal-pushers. They had three young boys, aged about 10, 7, and 5. The oldest had the looks of his father. The middle one the blond hair and flashy style of his mom. The youngest was a nice mix of the two of them, which is often the case as you go down the line.

As soon as they sat down, Dad and boys got up again, I'm assuming to visit the rest room. They got on the moving walkway and again I noted the Dad's stooped shoulders and worn out look. Suddenly he was transformed! The four of them had turned around on the walkway and, walking against the flow, appeared to be walking in place.

"Hey, Mom," the youngest shouted. "Look at us!" I had to smile as the Dad, years dropping away from his frame, joined his sons in the shenanigans. Now, laughing and happy, the four of them went off leaving both Mom and me chuckling to ourselves.

Families are amazing, I thought. I'm heading home after spending about a month helping my Mom move from her home in Florida to Wisconsin of all places! Mom's two sisters live in Wisconsin, and, while she is still able (hale and hearty at 81) she will "play" with them rather than "burden" me.

Being with the three Schug sisters, aged 84, 81, and 77 was quite an experience for me. About the only thing that I had on them were my organizational skills--and I think that was more a character trait than a result of my younger age. Mom had about 150 boxes that she had prepared and packed in Florida. I had flown down and helped with the last 20 or so about a week before the move.

Then we were in Wisconsin, and with me hauling and opening, the three sisters diligently unpacked box after box, unwrapping memories while Mom provided us with a running commentary, expounding upon the history of each knickknack and piece of china. Smoothing out and folding the newspapers that had wrapped each item, we gradually finished recreating Mom's personal cozy home.

Stopping now and then for lunch, or to go out to purchase a few essentials, gave me the opportunity to stand back and watch these sisters interact. At the furniture store they teased and flirted with the young salesman. Mom settled for a conservative red patterned couch, but all agreed that the pillows should be a wildly contrasting wavy pattern that could be used for "hypnotizing" each other in order to get the upper hand--especially during their highly competitive Scrabble games.

Of course they had their "senior" moments--like the time Aunt Mary left to go home and came back about ten minutes later after not finding her car in the empty parking lot. She had forgotten that I had picked her up--but then again, so had I! Aunt Frances would get turned around coming out of Mom's apartment and always head towards the dead end. Topping that, I turned off the GPS in the car about a block from the apartment, sure that I knew the rest of the way, only to spend the next ten minutes going around the block twice after missing the turn off into the parking lot both times.

Strong, independent women--this is my inheritance! What a wonderful chance to see them become young again in their own eyes, as they helped Mom set up her home again. Right now I'm watching my daughter check her wedding registry for the umpteenth time. All the gifts that she and her husband-to-be picked out are practical and necessary for creating their home. She's so excited to find just the right thing to make it their own, and to watch as family and friends help out in buying these things for them.

Families are amazing, and, as I begin to settle down a bit into my writing, I can feel that writing that class paper about Wisdom as a Way of Life, that is due the day after the wedding, will have to begin and end with the foundation of family. Family is the place unconditional love is learned and practiced. And love is the beginning and end of Wisdom. I'll let you know how it goes!

The purpose of the study of wisdom

In order to undertake the way of life of the philosopher early wisdom seekers believed in a spiritual practice, which involved exercising the soul as well as the body. These exercises “combined to shape the true person: free, strong, and independent.” (Hadot, 189) Despite the differences in the ancient schools of thought, some common features were apparent.

Most prevalent was the agreement that developing one’s spiritual and intellectual skill involved dialoguing with a master, as well as reading the texts and treatises of the masters. In this close community, not only was a specific lifestyle observed, but also masters would speak candidly with their pupils, disciplining and guiding them, since a transformation of self was expected. This self-transformation took place in two ways.

One, a going inward, focused on meditation and reflection on the texts and discourses. Contemplation on the higher values of moral and ethical conduct and Intellect produce a self-awareness of these same qualities within the individual often producing a mystical experience of oneness with the divine. The results were creating the environment within one’s self not to solve abstract or theoretical questions, but to acquire the ability to recognize and choose this type of life at every moment. This was a process to be aspired to, not a possession to be gained. (177, 193)

The second practice focused on self-expansion—finding the divine through an examination of nature and physics, as well as exercising one’s trust and imagination. Part of this comes about also through dialogue while appreciating the rights and position of one’s partner. Agreeing with the knowledge of the other allows for a larger truth horizon and therefore the recognition of a more universal perspective.

Discovering that cosmic perspective can also be attained in the contemplation of nature, studying and researching the earth and the stars, finding the depth and immensity of the world around us leaving us feeling insignificant yet caught up in the pleasure and elevation of thought of a divine nature. At each moment, I am myself and yet part of the whole, loving along with the universe. This experience brings with it a change in values as the possessions of daily life become insignificant in the face of this totality. (203, 207, 211)

A love of wisdom, or philosophy, then, is to the ancients a practice of raising “themselves to a cosmic perspective, plung[ing] into the immensity of space and time, and thereby transform[ing] their vision of the world . . . It is essentially an effort to become aware of ourselves, our being-in-the-world, and our being-with-others.” (276)

The purpose of the study of wisdom then would be to bring us back to an original state of communion: one with Nature, humanity, and the divine. This would be a lived life, and not a static or stagnant experience, with each change and each moment making a difference in the whole, for “a single drop of wine can be mixed with the entire sea and diffused throughout the whole world.” (Chrysippus qtd. in Hadot, 211)

Quotes and citings from “Wisdom As A Way of Life” by Pierre Hadot

Gathering for sharing and brainstorming

The phenomenon of social activism is becoming more and more prevalent in today’s society. It is just the sort of thing that appeals to the newly emerging subculture of people who are looking for what cultural anthropologist, Margaret Mead, calls “whole process” creativity and personal involvement.

Educator and activist, Parker J. Palmer says, “movements begin when people refuse to live divided lives.” The Cultural Creatives that I’ve been talking about for the last few months, who are looking for the reality of the time we are living in, are willing to look at themselves, who they are, and what values they hold dear.

Like many Cultural Creatives, I grew up seeped in the culture of the freedom and peace movements, where finding one’s self often meant idealistically looking for Shangri-la. As I matured, as did these grassroots movements, as well as the society around us, I believe that the idealism matured as well, turning from a dream into the hope of reality.

This reality then becomes the basis and framework for our worldview. This type of person chooses whom to relate to, what their priorities are, what they want to accomplish, and even whom they will vote for, as it is reflected by this worldview. Turning this into action that will benefit society gives truth and authenticity to their idealism, and sets new norms within the culture for what they view as success.

The container of this action, for me, is not what is important. As with the religious path, it matters not whether one is a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim or Christian. I believe they can all be paths to the One. The principles behind our action will be what give substance to our results.

Similarly, whether we use biofuel, solar power or hydrogen in the next generation car is not something I would choose to worry about. Simply redistributing money, material resources or power will not accomplish poverty eradication, natural resource conservation, or globalization.

Wealth, like technology, is a tool that is created and used by people. And our natural resources do not belong to us anyway. How tools are used depends on the quality of the character and values of those who own the tools. Therefore, the principles that we see reflected in the nature around us, and how well we make them our own, will be the primary determinant if the decisions we make are wise or not.

In order to usher in a culture of wisdom, we must be aware of our choices. There are cultures of greed, of hate, and of selfishness—all arising from the choices we have made within the realm of our hearts. I believe that the phenomenon of the Cultural Creative must focus first on building a foundation for the transformation of heart.

We can begin by building bridges of understanding by making our common roots and origins, our common values, and purpose a shared experience. This can happen as we share our stories, making relationships with no hidden agendas or expectations.

Gathering together people of like mind, such as with conferences of educators, or scientists, or retired politicians, can be a beginning point. After their stories have been told, the time to brainstorm will begin, as each group focuses on problems within their discipline, taking into account the universal purpose of our lives—that of living for the sake of others.

Interestingly enough, I saw this very dynamic at work at the Doctoral Writing and Research class I wrote about in April. A group of doctoral candidates got together and shared their experiences. On that foundation the group brainstormed with each individual to assist in evolving and fine-tuning each person’s idea to create a dissertation that would take into account the individual’s passion and gifts, and how they could be expressed in a way that could be shared with and for the benefit of the rest of the world.

In my own case, I am choosing to tell each person’s story, focusing on the common threads shared by all, creating a tapestry of ideas and actions that I hope will become a model for others to pattern their own stories after.

A time for new habits

Now that we are finally taking heed of such disasters as growing extinction rates and the reality of global warming we are beginning to notice what we have done wrong, as well as what we are doing right. By studying our legacy, one given to us by Mother Earth herself, we may find our roots, ones that will lead to the uncovering of a heart connection, beyond facts and figures, but using the facts and figures. This may be just the “reason” we need to create new habits and ways of thinking that are inclusive of the whole of creation—and just might make us happy to boot!

Happiness, however cannot be sustained without a cultural change towards goodness and an awareness of these principles of creation. Although we don’t favor Descartes’ mechanical view of life anymore, it is still in our habits and in our learning and business environments. We have the habit that bigger is better and that more is not enough. Our education system is build on left brain memorization and testing, and our businesses are profitable if they are increasing, despite the fact that the reality of that increase is based on using up our natural resources and polluting what is left.

Vaclav Havel writes that “democracy depends on citizens feeling responsible for something more than their own little corner of safety . . . It must have citizens who insist on participating in their society” who are inspired and guided by a nation’s ideals. This participatory role is a must if our habits are to be broken. Only then can we experience ourselves in relationship again where mutual progress is based on mutual relationships.

Only then will we develop a felt connection to place that will indeed tell us who we are and dispel this myth of our rootless disconnect or dominion over the rest of the cosmos. Only then will we become humble enough to acknowledge the mystery behind our evolutionary spiral and become able to truly understand our co-creative role in it.

Lewis Mumford in The Transformations of Man, wrote of these changes in our worldview. “In this vision humanity is nature rendered self-conscious, one part of the cosmos capable of reflecting on itself, which has evolved so it stands on the threshold of conscious participation in the unfolding of the whole.”

However, developing, or rather, evolving the tools necessary to access and record this change takes time. Although the change and the need to change our worldview has been noted and discussed since the 50s, reframing a culture so that it will affect our daily lives takes a language change as well as an interweaving of disciplines and practices capable of providing a more holistic viewpoint.

Changing minds and hearts and creating new models, memes, rituals and practices takes time. Those of my generation grew up along side of a variety of grassroots movements, each working in its own little sphere of influence. We all grew up listening and taking to heart these messages of the civil rights, freedom, women and gay rights, peace, environmental and spiritual/consciousness movements.

All these models, whose values we take for granted today, were helping to create the external environment that would hold the new paradigm of what Paul Ray calls the Cultural Creatives. Ray suggests that it wasn’t until the second generation of “New Agers” appeared that our efforts turned from the needs of the individual to “efforts to come up with cultural solutions.”

It seems to me that this is the logical progression. For us to learn a new way of life we must have models that embody this new standard, beginning with our own individual body/spirit unity. Paul Ray emphasizes this when he writes, “There is one more factor that is significant now. It is the development of a new kind of movement where the participants take convergence for granted because they carry that convergence within themselves.”

This oneness of self can be reflected in our lives because of the increased awareness of the oneness of and interconnectivity of life. I believe it is true, that we will only be able to see the next step—that interconnectivity beginning to appear on a cultural level—in the second generation. The process has been modeled by parents, teachers and mentors and can now be assimilated with our children. The natural place for this to happen would be in our own families. This is the evolutionary path that I envision a wisdom culture taking.

As this original nature of ours is uncovered, the vision or original purpose of our lives will take on a clarity for us and we will begin to express it using our own unique gifts. This inspiration becomes our guiding ethic, our wisdom culture, and the path of our heart. It is Thomas Berry’s vision of the sacred depth of the individual as he or she expresses the universe’s awareness of its own being. Modeling that ethic and value to our children will certainly make the future more hopeful, and is, I believe, the next step in the progression of acknowledging the divine in our lives.

The vision quest

I was supposed to go on a vision quest this past week, but life got in the way. It was supposed to be a conditional offering for my family—to support them, embrace them, love them. My daughter is getting married, so I wanted to create a spiritual foundation for her and my new son to stand on as they start their life together. She’s also graduating from college and trying to find a “real” world job, so life is pretty stressful for her right now.

I wanted to surround Mom with love too as she moves to a new state, and starts a new home without Dad, who passed away. My brothers and sisters could use a little support from their big sister as well. One brother broke up with his girlfriend; another just got married, while a third lost his job and his apartment at the same time. My sister is trying to have a baby with no success; one nephew is also getting married, and another is working on finding himself and understanding his unique gifts.

Hmm, if this is just my family, maybe I need to do some heavy duty praying for the rest of the world as well. Just look at the headlines: war in Iraq, cyclone in Myanmar, China and Tibet, the Middle East, volcano in Chile, melting icebergs—the list goes on. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed these days. That’s one reason I decided to stay home—my family was overwhelmed and needed me to stick around.

Sometimes it’s easier to leave and not deal with the immediate situation, which often takes more time and patience. I was going to go to the small piece of land that Mom kept in the Catskill Mountains and lay the stone foundation for a small cabin some of us were thinking of building. I wouldn’t have to speak to anyone, deal with anyone’s problems, or cook dinner. I could meditate and work, placing each rock with care and concern for each one of my family members.

That was what I had envisioned. Now I’d have to find something else to do instead that I felt would have the same intention. The answer came quickly. I had brought some stones from our land in the Catskills and placed them haphazardly in the corner of our yard, added a few flowers and created a quick rock garden. It was in desperate need of a redesign and some care and concern. One stone for each family member, placed lovingly, and surrounded with flowers, took two days of lugging, digging, planting and watering.

But that wasn’t enough. Something else was needed—something more fundamental and difficult to accomplish. Two or three years ago we had an external pipe burst in our front yard. To replace it the water company had to dig up the brick walk on the side of the house. The bricks have remained neatly stacked against the wall since then, while the ground has grown over with grass. I needed to replace those bricks, and recreate the walk.

By the third night I couldn’t sleep, my body ached so much. Our earth is not rich, dark and loamy. It is red clay, almost as hard as the bricks themselves. I couldn’t even get the pitchfork to sink more than an inch into the ground with me jumping up and down on it. Some of the bricks were broken and of varying sizes and shapes. Some were mortared together, and some had six inches of concrete and gravel still attached to them. It wasn’t just a puzzle to fit the pieces together, it was more like a Frankenstein monster that I was determined to make beautiful.

On the sixth day I had eight more bricks to lay, then four. My neighbor, and sister-of-my-heart, called over the fence, “Are you almost done?” Considering I had started four hours earlier, I distractedly responded in the affirmative. But as was the case for the past few days, most bricks I had already laid had to be re-placed in order to fit the subsequent ones together.

In the midst of my struggles, and determination to finish on this day, I didn’t hear Doris coming into the yard. She was carrying a tray with three glasses and a bottle of sparkling cider. Her husband followed her in with three chairs. I hadn’t noticed that they were following my progress from day to day, or that they even cared. But here they were, ready to celebrate my victory and cheer for my success!

My quest to support, love and embrace my family had come right back to me. As I sat sipping sparkling cider with Doris, Winston went down on his hands and knees to fit in those last few bricks. Isn’t that amazing? That never could have happened in the woods alone. Family and community are so important in building a culture of wisdom and love. And what better foundation is there than being surrounded by those who are willing to build it together with you?