A Return to Wholeness

I was meditating on the prayer I shared with you last week. May I be “found by wholeness . . .” For me, the concept of wholeness is multi-faceted. I am whole when I consider my mind, my body and my spirit. I am whole when I allow myself to reflect the Divine. I am whole when the choices I make also reflect this connection to Wholeness on all levels.

Supporting this wholeness, and creating the environment to surround me is a life-long endeavor. My body needs light, air, food and water. But we are becoming more and more aware that it makes a difference if the air is pure and the food is organic and not genetically modified. It makes a difference if I can go out and relax in nature, relieving the stress of this modern-day life, if only for a time.

Creating a new choice for the environment within—one that feeds my mind and spirit is just as important. A positive attitude and a faith-based intention have been shown to heal. Doing good works and having integrity also creates an environment that is conducive to something new.

Carolyn Eberle writes: “Freedom comes when your wholeness is a consistent force you can tap in to for support.” When I find myself weighed down by patterns of behavior learned through pain, abandonment and betrayal, I re-member that letting down my defenses allows me, once again, to be open to be found by Wholeness.

Letting Go of Dead Certainties

It was foggy today; so foggy that I couldn’t even see the house next door. I was certain that it was there though.

I sat outside to do my meditation and that’s when I noticed the spider webs. There were webs everywhere—on the grass, in the plants, in the trees—bejeweled webs, made visible by sparkling drops of dew.

Curious that a limitation can be so revealing!

When Mom was dying, a friend gave her a prayer. Mom read it and gave it to me saying, “This sounds more like your kind of prayer.” She was right:

“Gentle me,

Holy One.

Into an unclenched moment,

A deep breathe,

A letting go

Of heavy expectancies,

Of shriveling anxieties,

Of dead certainties.

That, softened by the silence,

Surrounded by the light,

And open to the mystery,

I may be found by wholeness,

Upheld by the unfathomable,

Entranced by the simple,

And filled with the joy

That is you.”

The Space Between

I am always drawn to the space between. Whether it is a sunlit glade in the woods, or the stillness that lies between each breath, that creation has always caught me. That beauty, I have found, illuminates my soul.

Often these moments of stillness or clarity come when I am in  nature. They can arise from poetry or artistic beauty, or relationships as well.

"One moment of your breath

Holds the emptiness of eternity

And I find the Beloved in the space

Between our lips." 

 This space between has the power to transform expectation into contemplation. It can turn my push into the gentle touch of I Am, and it is Enough. D.H. Lawrence writes:

"This is what I believe.

That I am I.

That my soul is a dark forest.

That my known self will never be more than a little clearing in the forest."

 And it is in that light-filled opening that our greatness is called forth. It is here, in our stillness, that we find ourselves full of grace.

Centering

No matter how much my mind is paying attention, it is only when I am ready, when I am drawn to the right place at the right time, that the universe reveals herself to me. Hmm . . . So my focus is on centering rather than awareness or revealing. Secrets, no awareness, (can I say truth?) is here. When I am centered or vibrating in openness—this is what releases the awareness.

Standing at the doorway—and crossing the threshold. Liberation—and release. It’s not even about learning or growing or expanding. It’s about disappearing into the oneness—like the shadows disappear at high noon. Are there really no shadows? No, they still exist, only in this moment they are transcended.

This then supports the importance of a spiritual practice—a path, a place, an exercise in centering. Experiencing my core essence, the seat of my soul in every cell of my body. It is here that what is false is stripped away and I become honest in the face of my strengths and weaknesses. In this moment I open to trust myself to take the next step—the next breath—releasing “patterns of deception”, as Angeles Arrien would say.

Growing Up

I am noticing how limiting beliefs and experiences are. I just realized that I have always believed that being a grown up meant that you could drink and smoke. Since I have neither smoked nor drank, I must never have grown up. Now I have a place of my own and am responsible for everything I do or incur.

Most people, I imagine, would go through this phase during college, or shortly after graduating. I was a member of a religious community since I was 19. I had much responsibility, but not, as it were, for my life. In this way, I felt that I had never grown up.

Until now. This means, according to my beliefs, that now I can drink and smoke. Fortunately, going down that path didn’t last long, but what about all my other beliefs, especially the unconscious ones? How are they limiting me, putting a box around what I think I can or will experience? And, how can I become aware of these limitations? Certainly not by more thinking! This is what I meditate on—expanding my mind, my heart, my awareness and my sacred space.

Hmm . . . It just struck me that I am imagining, even believing, that limitations are limiting! Robert Masters writes in his book “Spiritual Bypassing”: “Real freedom, however, is not about having no limitations; rather it is about finding liberation within—and also through—limitation (as when the apparent constraints of committed monogamous relationship actually enrich and deepen the relationship). Real freedom does not mind limitations and in fact is not limited by them.”

My daughter reminded me yesterday that the universe does not seek independence, rather interdependence. It is within the limitations, or shall I say boundaries, of relationships, that we learn to grow up, or outgrow our limiting beliefs.