I was talking with my friend this morning and she was expressing her concern that humankind is not evolving quickly enough to make a difference in the world as we know it. We are going the way of self-destruction, she declared, offering many examples of our lack of enlightenment, one of which was the Republican Convention that she had recently watched!
Don’t you agree, she asked. I’ve heard this argument before. I have, in the past, not wanted to look at that side of humanity, preferring to extol our higher virtues, embracing hope and faith. Now I come at it from a different perspective.
I said to her, yes, I have to agree that we are doing our share of lying and killing and destroying, and I am curious how it shows up in my actions, in my feelings, in the perspective I have on the world situation and in my daily life.
I’ve become aware that too often I use the words ‘good’ and ‘bad’, or ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘trying to become better’, or ‘working on changing’. Enlightenment in those terms seems to me to be a competition for who can get there, and who can get there the fastest.
For 40 years I’ve been a member of the Unification Church. The founder, Rev. Moon, is dying. I’ve agreed as well as disagreed with many things over the years that have been associated with the Church’s practices, but through it all I’ve respected Rev. Moon’s efforts and contributions. Last night I had a dream.
Rev. Moon was reading my journals. I had given them to him, and was busy explaining what each experience or insight meant. He said nothing, being a silent witness to my life. I realized that my reaction, even considering that these journals were a recording of what I had learned, and how I had grown, was one of fear. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be understood, that I hadn’t done enough, learned enough, grown enough. Here I was afraid that another would sit in judgment of me when it was me who was judging myself all along.
“Sometimes it takes a great sky to find that
first, bright and indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart.”
–David Whyte, The Journey