Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Path of Creativity (part 2)

I wrote these words last week: “But my path was more . . .” I discovered that I must rephrase: My path is mine. The moment for it is Now. Neither more, nor less than the people whose shoulders I stand on—I am not here to compete or even improve on what has come before. What they have given is perfect in its own right, in its own time. This, however, is my time.

“My grandmother, the Teacher, my mother, the Nurse . . . my ancestors, leading lives of service and compassion . . .” I realize, as I am writing, that there is a fear in me that I will not measure up, that I will be found lacking in some way, that I will not be found worthy to “belong” to their ranks of healers and good women. The gifts that I have, that I see, that I have yet to uncover, are gifts I have not paid for dearly enough and therefore can’t justify in embracing completely. I am still in the process of letting go of that fear, but the first inkling I had of a life yet to live began when I turned 50.

It was then that I first allowed myself to whole-heartedly follow my destiny. Before that I had allowed myself to be led, to follow a call from above. I had asked, was told, and had given myself up to follow. At 50 I realized I didn’t need to leave myself behind!

I am aware that my gifts arise from remembering the past—the pain, the joys, the failures, the triumphs. I am also mindful of them as I open to stand in this moment of my own making and view the immense possibility of a future that I am nurturing with these gifts of my heart. One such moment came as I asked the question: “What is to be my life’s work?”

“Right relations”, I was told. “You must have right relations with all beings.” I went back to school and got my masters in Earth Literacy. The gifts that path uncovered were three-fold. The first was the connection I had buried with mother, grandmother and nature. In re-learning the importance of honoring each being with a name, I clearly saw every thread in a tapestry of cosmic proportions, of which I was a part, as well as a whole.

The next gift I uncovered was my joy in writing. Shortly after returning to school I began a weekly column called Our Place in the Universe at religionandspirituality.com. Its purpose was to explore the relationship between spirituality and the environment. It became more than that. My writing wasn’t just for self-expression, reflection, education or connection. I realized that my story mattered. Writing from my soul was a way to open the path that led toward self-awareness and healing, and allowed my story to reflect and vibrate with the heart songs of others.

Another gift that was uncovered combined both nature and writing. In my wanderings I capture moments of beauty with my camera. My artistic sensibility had always recognized scenes in nature that I have etched in my memory. Now, I take photos and engrave on them a saying, poem or haiku that further amplifies the moment.

With these works, I strive to create a place—an environment—with pictures and words. My desire is to join with the Muses evoking and awakening memories of pure beginnings when we were One with the Divine and knew it! Nature offers us hints—even more than hints—of our greatness and beauty. We just need to be reminded of the path that leads towards wholeness, and to ourselves becoming sons and daughters of the Divine in this awakening world, where Oneness exists Now and love exists always.

Bert Hellinger writes in his book “No Waves Without the Ocean” that solutions only occur through inner development. These three gifts encouraged my own development for the next few years, but I was in for a new twist in my path of creativity—and it had to do with seeing myself as I really am, for that is the beginning of happiness.

No comments: